My semester of insanity is almost over. My last 6 day work week ended yesterday.
I have this rosy idea that once I am done with this semester, life will sort itself out. This is a little delusional, since I still haven't really decided what I'm going to do with myself. Life will probably never get sorted out completely.
One thing is for certain: I need a reboot, and I need some new inspiration.
I blame my feeling of dullness on a couple of things:
1.) Too much work. Teaching six classes, six days a weeks was not fun.
2.) Too much Interwebs. I waste too much time online. It's embarrassing.
3.) Too little almost everything else: Besides not getting the chance to do fun things, I also didn't really get the chance to do things like cleaning the house, going for walks, reading good books, writing something-or-another, things like that.
Needless to say, I haven't exactly met those goals I set for myself back in August. But that's okay. Hopefully I will still get to them... someday. What I am more worried about at the moment is that I am getting a little bored and antsy.
There are things that need to get done that aren't getting done. There are things I want to accomplish that aren't getting accomplished. There are projects I want to do but haven't, for whatever reason. Also, I have a giftcard for Forever 21 that I haven't used up all the way yet.
But those three reasons I listed above are more indicative of a different problem that I have been avoiding for a while: I could have taken initiative, and I could use my time more efficiently, but I don't because underneath it all, I am sabotaging myself. I see this sabotaging more clearly when I am teaching: the students usually know when they're aiming a gun at their feet... and yet they just pull the trigger. It's frustrating to watch... which helps me understand why some people get a little frustrated with me when I say that I just can't do something.
How, though, does one go about getting back into that general productivity? I think that a clear mind helps. Having a break from work will help. I think it is possible to be creatively productive when you are bogged down by a job you hate, but I haven't seen it really happen in my life. The winter break and summer months are when I get the most writing done... and the other times of year that I do get writing done is usually a result of shirking some of my more pressing responsibilities.
So here's to the end of the semester: Good riddance. And hopefully, here's to a productive month of writing, and so on.