Saturday, January 22, 2011

Eff Money and Live Your Life.


Money and I are not friends, apparently.

I was poor when I was a kid, but that wasn't my fault. I guess it wasn't really my parent's fault either. We were poor, and there were a lot of kids. Okay, so the lots of kids part was their fault, for sure.

I was poor when I was in college, because almost everyone is at that point in his or her life. But I was in college for a while.

And now I'm (relatively) poor still. It's kind of stupid to say I am actually poor because I'm not. I shudder to think what life looks like for someone at the "real" poverty level looks like, because I have a hard time believing a family of four making just above 30,000/year is considered above the poverty level. That, my friends, is bullshit.

Jeff and I just haven't had much financial security, partly because even though my parents were poor, they still encouraged their kids to follow their dreams and get useless degrees. Here's the really sad thing: I have the most "practical" degree, and I studied English. It doesn't help that I studied English but want to write and have no interest in corporate malarky.

Maybe my parents also instilled in me some kind of bad attitude about money and how one might attain it as well. Because I'd rather freeze in a house heated at barely 60 degrees than work over 40 hours a week copyediting or whatever it is "successful" English graduates do (besides get lots of fancy graduate degrees).

Anyhow, yeah. $$$ + Emma = An inevitable break-up in our future.

Being an adjunct is unpredictable as far as work and cash flow go. And there really isn't a possibility that I might get this awesome raise someday.

I always say God has provided for Jeff and I, even when it looks like we're totally effed. And it's true. We haven't missed any mortgage payments, or resorted to eating the cats for dinner or anything. (I definitely had a new perspective on what it means to be really hungry when a fellow student at my undergrad said that before her family moved to America, they had a pet monkey... that they had to eat when they ran out money and food. I tell that story to my cats sometimes, but I don't think they believe me).

But, because I am a New-Englander brought up by New-Englanders, there is still that sense that you cannot spend money, ever. I think it's also because of my parents, who only recently bought themselves a new refrigerator (after having a fridge without a light on the inside for about 5 years... and the fridge was about 25 years old), and a new stove (because it was leaking gas, not because my dad had to use to hammer to open and close it... and it was about 23 years old). My brother in law calls this the Bradley-pinch, which is probably an apt description.

Today, though, my husband said we shouldn't let money (and the fear of the lack of it) paralyze us and make our lives less full. And I think he has a point.

On one hand, consumerism and the idea that buying such-and-such item will make us happier somehow, is not good. So I am not really talking about the American Dream and thinking one can define and identify oneself by what one purchases.

I'm talking more about this: So, I kind of jokingly wrote that it's my parent's fault that they had so many kids, which is true. But that was what they wanted to do, so they did it. It's not good to be irresponsible about having children; I don't think they were at all. But they were determined to make it work because they wanted to have a large family, and they weren't going to let money dictate whether or not they could do this.

There are people who would get angry at them, or think they were crazy, because there's this attitude that's like: if you are going to have six kids, you should have lots of money in the bank, stocks, savings accounts for college, etc., because that is what is expected.

My parents didn't have that kind of money, but they provided a home for us, and a wonderful home at that. They sent all their kids to college. They didn't have to take advantage of welfare (not that there's anything wrong with that; it's just my dad's pretty proud of being able to solely provide for our family), because they made it work. They didn't even land in credit card debt. My siblings and I didn't have a lot of "stuff," but we didn't realize it, because, really, that stuff doesn't matter.

I'm not making the same choices as my parents (obviously, since at my age, my mother already had 3 kids, or something), but I think their attitude about money was right:
1.) You don't need to spend money to be happy.
2.) Fuck Money and live your life. (I should clarify: my parents would never actually say #2, because they're good Christians, but that's my interpretation of it).

5 comments:

  1. My guess is that just as spending money can become an addicting idol of sorts, saving money can also become another kind of idol. At the very least, we can end up valuing money too highly by holding on to it too tightly.

    Good thoughts to consider here.

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  2. Wisest words ever, Emma..."that stuff doesn't matter".
    About Ed's comment...I never really thought about holding onto money too tightly as a form idolizing money - but it makes sense!

    In my very crazy, hectic, authentic,roller coaster-ish but wonderful life, my only wish for $$ is to have just enough.

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  3. Emma, think about this: If you get a 40 hour a week job that pays a decent salary, then the rest of your week is YOURS. You can write, play with the dog, and hang out with Jeff. One of the reasons why I quit school was because grad school owned me. My time wasn't my time, it all belonged to schoolwork. But with having a job that is challenging and very likable and makes money, I can do whatever I want with the rest of my time. Imagine a life with financial security and all your free time actually being free! For you, having money equals being able to write. Wouldn't you rather have that freedom?
    -Janel

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  4. Janel,

    I'm not sure if you knew this or not... but I'm not in grad school anymore. I've been teaching 4 comp courses for almost two years now (3 this semester). I find that now that I have a shorter commute, my time is my own, for sure. I have a lot of free time, actually. And I am starting to appreciate my job more now, since I don't have to work for a company, copyediting, or marketing, or trying to sell a product (which is pretty much what my other options as an English major are); I think that working a job that involved that kind of work would not be likable for me at all. I'm not making a lot of money, but I am okay with that. I'd rather work less and have to cut out the things I don't really need anyway and have three entire days (and two afternoons) off to do as I'd like. I found when I was working more, I didn't feel like writing at all, since I just wanted to sit around and do nothing when I had free time.

    I don't know if financial security would really make me feel secure. For me, having money doesn't mean being able to write; having time does.

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  5. Yes, I know you're done with school -- from my experience with my friends teaching just like you, they make very little money, put a lot of effort into it, and don't have much to show for it after (no real career, no benefits, no security, no paid time off, no 401k, etc.). Maybe that's not the case with you but I was trying to point out that there is a big possibility that having more financial security equals having more time. Or at least that is how it's worked out for me and Zach. I really think you could find a job that you love (and have financial security AND time) if you give the working world a try. I'd say that a degree in Anthropology is more useless than English and there is a ton of great things available for me so there must be some great things for you!:)

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